Supporting a loved one with prostate cancer: A guide for caregivers

Looking after a loved one who has prostate cancer can be overwhelming. Caregivers — usually partners, family members, or close friends — play crucial roles in supporting a patient's physical and psychological well-being. But what does that entail? You as a caregiver might not know what to say or how to help.

"Patients diagnosed with advanced cancer are facing their own mortality," says Dr. Marc Garnick, the Gorman Brothers Professor of Medicine at Harvard Medical School and Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, and editor in chief of the Harvard Medical School Guide to Prostate Diseases. "And they each process that in different ways."

Dr. Garnick emphasizes the need provide patients and families with the best information possible about the specifics of the diagnosis, symptoms, and available treatments. Some patients have near-miraculous responses to treatment, he says, even when they have very advanced cancer. "We let patients know that there are reasons to be optimistic, as treatments are improving on a regular basis," he says.

Communication

Dr. Garnick points out that clinicians should avoid words or phrases that can leave cancer patients feeling unempowered. A phrase like "Let's not worry about that now," for instance, is dismissive and doesn't respond to a patient's legitimate concerns. Saying "You're lucky your cancer is only stage 2" doesn't allow for the fear and anxiety a patient may have over his disease.

Along similar lines, "It's important for caregivers to be receptive to what their loved ones are saying," Dr. Garnick says. "Instead of minimizing or questioning what your loved one is telling you, try asking 'What do you need? Tell me what you think is going to help you feel better.'"

While it's natural to offer reassurance, you should also give your loved one space to express himself openly without offering quick solutions. Be aware that treatment can lead to emotional ups and downs, so expect mood fluctuations.

One of the most valuable tools you have as a caregiver is the relationship you've built with your loved one over the years. During this challenging time, remind yourself of the bonds you've created together. Shared memories, inside jokes, and mutual interests can provide strength and comfort.

Day-to-day practical support

Managing medications can be challenging. Cancer patients can take a dozen or more pills per day on varying schedules. You can help your loved one stay on track by setting up a pill organizer (available at most drugstores) that sorts medications according to when they're needed.

Patients with advanced prostate cancer are now being treated more often with drug combinations that include chemotherapy as well as hormonal therapies. Chemotherapy can leave patients feeling unusually cold, and patients may also get cold after experiencing hot flashes from hormonal therapy. So keep lots of blankets and warm hats on hand.

Collaborate on a journal where you and your loved one keep health information in one place. It should contain the names and contacts of clinicians on his team, as well as details of his treatment plan. The journal can also double as a diary where you both record treatment experiences.

You might be tasked with coordinating medical appointments. It's important to keep lists of questions you may have. Take notes so you have a record of what doctors and other people on his care team have told you. Also, you should take some time to familiarize yourself with your loved one's insurance policies or Medicare plans so you have a better understanding of what's covered.

Don't forget to take care of yourself!

As a caregiver, it's easy to get lost in your loved one's needs. But caring for someone with cancer while managing household responsibilities can also leave you feeling isolated, burned out, and even depressed. It's essential to also prioritize your own health and well-being.

Make sure that you get enough sleep and exercise. Keep up with your own checkups and screening. Try to eat well, and prepare meals ahead of time to reduce stress and save time on busy days. Take breaks! Caregiving can be intense, so take time to recharge by taking a walk, reading a book, or spending time with friends.

Here are some valuable resources that can help.

Help for Cancer Caregivers provides support on managing feelings and emotions, keeping healthy, day-to-day needs, working together, and long-distance caregiving.

The Prostate Cancer Foundation provides an array of educational materials, including a "caregiver's toolkit" that helps caregivers understand treatment options, side effects, and ways to be actively involved in the decision-making process.

The Patient Advocate Foundation offers case management services to help caregivers and patients understand insurance coverage, financial assistance programs, and other resources that can reduce the financial burden of cancer treatment.