Play the dating game
How men can approach dating again — and why they should.
- Reviewed by Howard E. LeWine, MD, Chief Medical Editor, Harvard Health Publishing; Editorial Advisory Board Member, Harvard Health Publishing
Dating was rarely easy when you were young, and it can be especially difficult as you age. Recent statistics show that 21% of men ages 65 and older are single, but 75% of single older adults of both sexes say they are not looking for a relationship.
"That hesitation may be connected to the anxiety of how to pursue a new relationship, since they probably haven't dated in a long time," says Dr. Sharon Bober, founding director of the Sexual Health Program at Harvard-affiliated Dana-Farber Cancer Institute. "But men should explore dating if they are interested, as there are many new ways for older singles to meet."
What are you looking for?
Older adults often get trapped in a preconceived notion about what dating entails and where it's supposed to lead. "Dating does not always mean you are looking for a potential long-term partner," says Dr. Bober. "It could be a means to widen your social circle, develop a new friendship, or do something fun with someone whose company you enjoy."
Therefore, your first step to dating is determining what you want from the experience. Are you looking for someone to have fun with or a possible future spouse? Do you want a social companion or a romantic connection? Would you like to date many people, or do you want to take it slowly with one person at a time? "Clarifying your values can help you interact with someone with shared interests and goals," says Dr. Bober.
Where to find dates
There are many ways older adults can meet people and explore dating. One avenue is online dating. A 2022 survey from the Pew Research Center found that 23% of adults in their 50s, 14% in their 60s, and 12% in their 70s have used a dating website or app.
"Online dating has the advantage of connecting people who share the same goals and interests but simply might not have the chance to meet otherwise," says Dr. Bober.
Many dating sites cater to seniors. Some are designed to help match people with particular interests or common factors like religion, race, and professional experiences. Popular sites include SilverSingles, OurTime, and SeniorMatch.
Another means to expand one's dating network is to volunteer for a cause or attend a community event or faith-based gathering.
"These can remove the pressure of an actual date and place the focus on simply interacting with others and sharing an experience," says Dr. Bober. "Participating in a social or service opportunity also means you may find yourself among people with similar interests."
You might also explore a new activity or hobby. For instance, sign up for a class or workshop in cooking, wine tasting, or painting. Or join a fitness group like a running, cycling, or walking club.
"These types of settings are good for people with rusty social skills who need to practice interacting with new people and striking up conversations," says Bober.
Healthy relationshipsThe experience of dating can be good for men's physical and emotional health as it can reduce loneliness and social isolation. Independently or together, loneliness and social isolation increase the risk of serious health conditions, ranging from high blood pressure to heart disease, stroke, infections, poor immunity, and premature death. They also are linked with mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and dementia. |
Changing bodies
A barrier many men face when dating is the notion that their aging body will turn off a potential partner. They also may deal with physical issues like a lower libido and erectile dysfunction that can make them hesitate about pursuing a sexual relationship.
"But remember that the other person is probably struggling with similar feelings about themselves," says Dr. Bober. For women who have gone through menopause, sex can be less comfortable, as they must manage vaginal dryness and natural physical changes. In addition, commonly used medications, like antidepressants and anti-anxiety treatments, also can affect women's sexual desire.
But Dr. Bober points out that one advantage to dating later in life is that both individuals have a keen perspective on life and aging. "You both can enjoy the energy and excitement of a new relationship, but also use your shared wisdom and experience to discuss and address any issues together," she says.
Image: © adamkaz/Getty Images
About the Author
Matthew Solan, Executive Editor, Harvard Men's Health Watch
About the Reviewer
Howard E. LeWine, MD, Chief Medical Editor, Harvard Health Publishing; Editorial Advisory Board Member, Harvard Health Publishing
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