Coping with anger while grieving

Grieving the loss of a loved one can stir up a whirlwind of emotions, and anger is often a surprising, but common, part of the process. If you find yourself feeling angry or bitter, it may help to explore where these emotions are coming from and how to manage them. Finding safe ways to express and even explain your feelings can also be incredibly healing.

Here are some techniques to help you process and release the anger that may accompany your grief.

Consider it. Is anger a stand-in for more painful emotions, or does the situation warrant it? Do you feel abandoned or afraid? If so, could you enlist support from others or spend some time thinking about your fears and putting them to rest? It might help to share your feelings in a grief support group and learn how others have dealt with similar feelings.

Express it. Set aside a safe time and place each day to defuse angry feelings. Some people yell in the car with the windows rolled up. Some find stress-relief techniques like meditation or yoga helpful. Others find release in punching pillows or in spurts of strenuous activity. Think about options for releasing anger, and plan how to express it safely when it crops up. Sometimes writing about situations that make you feel angry can help you focus on what you are really feeling beneath your anger.

Explain it. Tell others how short-fused you are right now. If you know you stepped over the line, apologize. Most people will make allowances.

To learn more about ways to live with your own loss and grief or assist others in the same situation, read  Grief and Loss , a Special Health Report from Harvard Medical School. 

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