The power of self-compassion

We usually think of compassion as it applies to others. But we can— and should— also show compassion to ourselves. Self-compassion means showing compassion towards ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate. 

Self-compassion offers several benefits to mental and physical health. Self-compassionate people recognize when they are suffering and are kind to themselves at these times, which reduces their anxiety and related depression.

While some people come by self-compassion naturally, others must learn it. Luckily, it is a learnable skill.

In his book, The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion, Harvard psychologist Christopher Germer suggests that there are five ways to bring self-compassion into your life: via physical, mental, emotional, relational, and spiritual methods. Germer and other experts have proposed a variety of ways to foster self-compassion. Here are a few:

• Comfort your body. Eat something healthy. Lie down and rest your body. Massage your own neck, feet, or hands. Take a walk. Anything you can do to improve how you feel physically gives you a dose of self-compassion.
• Write a letter to yourself. Describe a situation that caused you to feel pain (a breakup with a lover, a job loss, a poorly received presentation). Don't blame anyone but acknowledge your feelings.
• Give yourself encouragement. If something bad or painful happens to you, think of what you would say to a good friend if the same thing happened to him or her. Direct these compassionate responses toward yourself.
• Practice mindfulness. This is the nonjudgmental observation of your own thoughts, feelings, and actions, without trying to suppress or deny them. When you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, accept the bad with the good with a compassionate attitude.

For more on drawing on your strengths and finding the positive meaning in your life, buy Positive Psychology, a Special Health Report from Harvard Medical School.

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