How to ask embarrassing medical questions

Most of us have a health issue or question that seems just too mortifying to discuss with anyone, even a doctor. Sex problems, gut issues, body odor — it's tough to divulge personal details that compromise dignity.

While that's understandable, keeping concerns to yourself might cause you to suffer needlessly, go without treatment, or even risk serious health consequences.

So take a deep breath and drum up some courage. We have advice to help you ask the tough questions.

Embrace the subject

Some things are just hard to talk about, particularly with your doctor. It's natural that you might not want to discuss flatulence, bad breath, hair loss, weight gain, strange-looking bowel movements, fecal or urinary incontinence, diarrhea, constipation, erectile dysfunction, vaginal dryness, an itchy rear end, new lumps or growths, mood disorders, or difficulty walking or hearing.

However, your doctor actually does want to talk about those things and help you with them. The job is about more than protecting you against serious illnesses, like heart attacks. And it's likely that you're dealing with something your doctor has seen many times.

"I can't imagine anything that would shock me after almost 40 years. Nothing surprises me anymore," says Dr. Suzanne Salamon, associate chief of gerontology at Harvard-affiliated Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center.

Identify barriers to conversation

Even if you can accept that body function talk is just business-as-usual for the doctor, it might still be awkward to share such personal details.

This could be because it feels uncomfortable talking to a professional you see rarely and don't really know, or a doctor who's the same age as your grown grandkids. Perhaps you feel that the doctor won't care about your problem or take you seriously, especially if the doctor seems to be on a tight schedule.

Maybe you're embarrassed about being older and don't want to raise the question of whether it's time to consider a hearing aid or a walker. "People often feel like they cross over into old age if they need one of those tools, so they don't want to bring it up," Dr. Salamon says.

Or it could be that you're too shy to discuss a subject that can lead to an intimate physical exam, such as a vaginal exam.

Try some workarounds

If you know what's keeping you from talking to your doctor about a particular problem, consider taking action so that you can address the issue. Here are some ideas.

Talk to someone you're comfortable with. If it's awkward talking to your primary care doctor, but you're at ease chatting about your health with a nurse in the practice, start there. Or maybe you'd feel better speaking about women's issues with a woman, or men's issues with a man.

Don't begin the conversation face-to-face. It might be less embarrassing if you initially describe your problem or ask a question on the phone or in a message on your patient portal.

See a specialist. "Go right to the expert," Dr. Salamon says. "You don't need a referral if you have Medicare, and you'll consult with someone who sees your type of problem every day."

Leave your buddy in the waiting room. It can be important to bring a buddy along as another set of eyes and ears during an appointment, but it's okay to ask that person for a few minutes of privacy so you can speak with your doctor alone.

Use a simple opening line. "Say, 'I'm kind of embarrassed to bring this up, but it's really bothering me and I hope you can help me,'" Dr. Salamon advises.

Use medical terms. It might make you feel better to describe your problem in a more professional, matter-of-fact way. For example, say "stool" or "bowel movement" instead of "poop."

Write it down. Hand the doctor a brief note if you're shy about asking something during your appointment. That will also give your doctor time to do a little research and get back to you.

Get it over with. "The longer you wait to talk about something embarrassing, the worse the particular health issue can become," Dr. Salamon says. "Find the courage to talk to your doctor and remember that he or she is there to help you. That's the whole point of medicine: doctors want to fix the problems that bother you the most, whether they are 'serious' or not. I know I would reassure someone that whatever is going on, we'll try to make it better."

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