Reflecting on your remaining days

With few exceptions, most people don't know how long they will live. It can be unsettling to dwell on the countdown of life, but some self-reflection can help you live your remaining days to their fullest.

"Thinking about future personal goals keeps you in the driver's seat, giving you a greater sense of security and confidence about the years ahead," says psychologist Lisa LaRowe with the Mongan Institute Center for Aging and Serious Illness at Harvard-affiliated Massachusetts General Hospital.

Assess your values

When gazing into their future, many people opt for "bucket list" activities, such as running a marathon, traveling to Europe, or learning a new language. While these can be helpful tools for introspection, they also can be restrictive.

"The objective of bucket list items is to accomplish or "check off" as many goals as possible," says LaRowe. "But they often have a fixed endpoint. What happens after the item gets checked off? Or what if an illness or injury prevents you from pursuing it? Ultimately, you may feel lost and always search for the next fulfillment instead of focusing on what matters most."

Instead of bucket lists, LaRowe suggests focusing on personal values. "Values are the principles that guide how you want to act and live every day, and they can't be completed or checked off a list," she says. "Values can help determine the goals you want to achieve moving forward."

When contemplating your values, LaRowe suggests focusing on five areas: relationships, health, education, personal growth, and recreation. For each area, ask yourself soul-searching questions. For example: "What really matters to me and why?" "What do I want to accomplish?" "How will this area support the type of life I want to live?"

"The goal of this exercise is to identify which values are most important and what aspects of each you feel are most significant," says LaRowe. "This can help to ensure that your remaining time is filled with meaningful activities," says LaRowe.

Make a plan

Based on your answers, rank the five areas in order of importance. Next, draft two to three goals for each. For instance, relationships might involve spending more time with your grandchildren or prioritizing friendships. Health may include staying active or living independently. Recreation could be a desire to travel overseas.

Then devise a plan to accomplish the goals. Using the examples above for relationships, your goal could be scheduling weekly visits with your grandkids, reconnecting with someone you've lost touch with, or fixing a broken friendship. Hiring a personal trainer to get in shape can support your health value of living independently.

Adjust your goals as needed. For instance, if your goal of weekly visits with your grandchildren becomes too ambitious, take them on a weeklong summer vacation instead. If a health issue blocks your goal of traveling to Europe for your recreation value, focus on the underlying benefit of seeking new experiences, such as visiting another state or exploring a new outdoor activity.

You don't have to automatically abandon traditional bucket list items. "Instead, evaluate whether they align with your defined values," says LaRowe. "For example, your goal may be to complete a bucket list activity like running a marathon, but now it helps to support your health value of wanting to stay active, lose weight, or continue to live independently."

She adds that it's good practice to check how fully you live by your values at least once every few months. "If you notice a gap between your values and how you spend your time and energy, or if your goals are no longer supporting your values, take action and make the necessary adjustments," says LaRowe. "This way, you can stay true to what's most important."

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